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Now What?

Okay, so you’ve figured out what it is you really believe, and it’s not helping your desire out at all. What next?

Living and Breathing Your Desire, As If It’s Already There

If you can live and breathe your desire, as if it’s already there, you’ll begin the process of shifting your beliefs. The more you do this, the easier it will feel, and the more real it will seem.

This isn’t about simply visualizing what you want. It’s choosing to BE the you who has that desire fulfilled. One excellent resource is Denise Coate’s book, Feel It Real. The first edition of the book is now out of print, but you’ll be able to get a copy of the second edition this coming spring - it’s being published by Atria, the publishers of The Secret. Denise is also in the process of relaunching her Web site, and there will be lots of Feel It Real resources there once it’s relaunched.

Affirmations and Subliminal CDs

There’s a little trick to using affirmations and subliminal CDs - they work if you believe they will work.

See? There’s that belief thing popping up again. Scientists have a name for beliefs at work when using subliminal materials, by the way - they call it the Placebo Effect.

I’ve tried a number of subliminal CDs, and the company that works best for me is InnerTalk. You can download some clips for free here - you have to give them your email address, but it’s well-worth it if you want to give their material a try. And if you live in the States, you can request a catalog from them. If you don’t live in the States, they will send you one with your order, or you can download it in PDF format.

BE the YOU That You Want To Be

This has been the most powerful practice for me - getting to know who is the Me that I want to be. And then, making the choice to BE the me I want to be.

It all comes down to choosing. We always have a choice. And whether we know it or not, we’re always making choices.

Getting in tune with who you really are is really just a matter of deciding to make these choices consciously.

It’s very simple and basic - but at times, challenging to do. The more aligned you are with who you want to be, the easier it will feel. And the more you consciously make this choice, the easier it gets.

It’s a practice.

My friend Holly Sorensen puts it this way: our only job is to Be who we want to be. And this can be everything and anything. Whatever qualities we want to give to ourselves, we can. Just focus on Being who you want to be.

And let the Universe do the heavy lifting work of manifesting your desires.

The key to this practice is a commitment to Being who you want to be for you. Not for the manifestations. They’re just a byproduct. You’re doing this for you.

In the emails I get from readers of the Abundance Journal, one question comes up frequently: “I’m doing everything right, I’m visualizing, I’m focusing, I’m feeling good - why aren’t I manifesting what I want? How soon will it come?”

There are a lot of answers out there to this question. Abraham-Hicks, for example, often tells people they want you to get into the feeling place of “already having it” to such an extent that you find you don’t even need to have your desire appear physically.

I think that feeling of “already having it” is a very powerful tool. It lets you set your desires free, without all the angst that comes with the feeling of “not having it” - and that feeling of “I don’t have this” is one that can quite easily creep into all our visualization and focusing efforts.

Sometimes, the very act of directing energy (sometimes tremendous energy, when we want something very badly) towards the visualization of our desire has the very effect of highlighting to ourselves that, no, we don’t already have this. And we want it now!

So what’s a person to do?

Go From Zero to Manifestation

Embracing the entire feeling of going “from zero to manifestation” has been a very powerful tool for me. When I say “from zero to manifestation”, I mean the entire route that you actually go through from where you are right now, to where you want to be (the achievement of your desire).

Have you ever had a long-time desire fulfilled? And you experience those wonderful moments of pure bliss - that rush of joy that you now have your long-desired dream. That it’s real, it’s here, and you have it!

Every one of us has had those moments about something in our lives.

But did you ever notice something else?

Those moments don’t last. I mean, sure, there are some dreams that, once fulfilled, thrill you day in and day out for weeks and weeks. But eventually, familiarity takes over. You settle back into your newly enriched life. And another dream or desire takes the place of your fulfilled dream.

This is human life. Personally, I think that’s why we’re here in the first place, to experience all the thrills of all those fulfilled dreams. And so we keep dreaming new dreams, holding new desires.

An Analogy

Let me give you an example. Let’s say John has a dream. He wants a new car. Not only does he want a new car, he has his eyes set on a specific make and model. It’s a luxury car that at the present moment is well out of his reach.

Now let’s take a look at John at the point in his life when his dream comes true. He’s holding in his hands the keys to his new luxury car. Let’s say that for weeks, every morning he slides into the front seat of that car, smells that new-car smell, and is filled with incredible bliss and joy.

Eventually, though, the car loses its new car smell. And while John is always appreciative every time he drives his beautiful new car, the feelings aren’t as sharp as they were on the day he first held the keys to it in his hand. And on top of that, he has a new dream that’s been occupying his mind.

Like I mentioned above, this is absolutely normal. Always having access to new dreams is the stuff of life. It’s what makes us human. Having new goals and new dreams adds that continuous spark of passion to our lives.

What does this have to do with the answer to the question, “When will my desire get here?”

My answer is, “It’s already here.” But ah, you say, that’s the classic answer, and you think that fudges things a lot. And my answer to that is, “It’s already here, because it’s all about every step of the way. It’s about the road you take from zero to manifestation.”

The Cumulative Effect

Going “from zero to manifestation” works so powerfully because it’s all about the cumulative effect. It acknowledges that the fulfillment of our desires brings with it that glorious flash of bliss and happiness, but at the same time, it widens your perspective on what exactly “having my dream come true” means.

Having your dream come true is about more than just those moments when your dream lands into your life, full-blown and in vivid color.

It’s about the entire path you go through to get from here to there. The path you take as you go from zero to manifestation.

Back to the Analogy

So let’s go back to John, and take a look at what happens in his life as he goes from the now of not being able to afford his dream car, to that wonderful moment when he holds the keys to his new car in his hands.

1. The gift from Aunt Betty. About a month after John has picked out the make and model of his dream car, he gets a phone call. It’s from his Aunt Betty. She’s sending John a check for $5000, because she’s a firm believer in making gifts to her family gradually in the here and now, instead of waiting until death. She enjoys life, and wants to share this enjoyment with her family.

What does John feel when he gets this call? Elation. Happiness. A moment of pure joy. He’s one step closer to his dream, too. He uses most of the money to pay down his credit card debt, and uses the rest of it to fund a weekend ski trip he’s taking with his friends.

2. A holiday bonus. Fast forward a few months. Christmas is approaching, and John’s work place is speculating on the nature of the holiday bonus this year. Rumor has it that the company has made huge profits. John walks into his office a few weeks before Christmas and finds a plain white envelope in his in-basket. He opens it up and finds that his holiday bonus this year is equal to a month’s salary!

What does John feel at this moment? Joy, happiness, elation. Yes, all the same feelings that came up with his last mini-manifestation, and all the same feelings that will come up when he gets his hands on his dream car.

Now he’s paid off all short-term debt.

I won’t go into detail the rest of the mini-manifestations that happen on John’s road from zero to manifestation. But let’s just set them out chronologically:

3. A great performance appraisal.
4. A promotion, accompanied by a big raise.
5. John visits his banker to see whether he qualifies for a car loan. He does, and for an amount that’s almost enough to buy the new car, with a small down payment.
6. A friend of a friend is being sent overseas for a new job. He wants to sell his new car. Is John interested? Turns out the car is the same make and model of John’s dream car.
7. John meets this friend of a friend with the car to sell. They hit it off, but the asking price for the car is still beyond John’s reach. John’s happy that he’s made a new friend who shares the same passion for this car that he does.
8. The new friend calls. He’s willing to lower the asking price to something that John can afford, because above all, he wants someone who will take care of the car the way it should be taken care of. Plus, he likes John.
9. John holds the car keys in his hand. His dream car is his!

At every single point in this road from zero to manifestation, John felt elation. Bliss. Joy. Happiness. Sure, the manifestations were “minor”, but the feelings were not.

The Key is in the Mini-Manifestations

When you celebrate every point on the road from here to the fulfillment of your dream, and in your celebration of each point you understand that each mini-manifestation IS a part of the manifestation of your ultimate dream, you’ll never have to ask, “When is my dream going to come true?”

It already is coming true, and being aware of all the mini-manifestations as you journey from zero to manifestation will make this even more clear.

It’s Happening All the Time

We all have more than one dream. Every day, we hold dozens and dozens of dreams. It’s just that some are “small” (”I’d really like a blueberry muffin right now”) while some are “big” (”Now, once I get this log cabin on 5 acres by the lake, how should I furnish it?”).

And because we are always holding dozens and dozens - maybe even hundreds - of desires at every moment, during most moments in our lives, we’re experiencing the bliss and joy of a mini-manifestation. We have access to those feelings of bliss and joy during many, many moments in our day. And they are real and concrete. We don’t even have to visualize them.

So celebrate all those moments as you go from zero to manifestation for all of your desires. See them for what they are - each is a mini-manifestation that IS a part of the manifestation of a dream. Relax into that cumulative effect. You’ll have more fun, and you’ll rarely ask, “When will my dream come true?”

Because it already is.

When you read about the Law of Attraction, most of the focus is on how feeling good will attract good things into your life. The opposite of this is that feeling bad, or negative, will attract negative things into your life.

Does this mean, then, that if you consistently feel good, you will never experience things that you don’t want to experience?

It does not.

You might be asking yourself, “How can this be?” Is the whole Law of Attraction concept flawed, then?

The answer hinges on how we perceive a “negative” or “bad” event occurring in our lives.

Everyone Experiences “Contrast”

If you’ve ever read or listened to the Abraham-Hicks materials, you’ll know that they talk about “contrast” a lot. Contrast is basically anything happening in your life that you don’t want happening.

So what does Abraham have to say about contrast?

They consistently ask us, “are you enjoying your contrast?”

And that is the key. You see, everyone experiences contrast. It’s a natural part of being human. Where we tend to trip up, though, is when we experience contrast, and think of it as being “bad” or “negative”.

Contrast is just something showing up in your life that helps you clarify what you don’t want, and ultimately, what you do want.

Rather than being “bad” or “negative”, it is neutral. You get to make of it what you will.

Are You Ready for CreationTown?

A friend of mine, Holly Sorensen, likes to call that feeling of contrast “CreationTown”. She has taught me that I always have a choice as to how I perceive contrast, and most of all, that the experience of contrast can ultimately push me forward to a place where I am more easily in alignment with who I am.

Holly calls this push forward “CreationTown”, because you can use contrast to make significant self-discoveries and spiritual growth.

And from such discoveries and growth, the manifestations will appear more easily, more effortlessly.

But it’s not about the manifestations. It’s about being in alignment. Contrast can help with both things.

My Own Recent “Bump in the Road”

In all honesty, the next article that I was planning for the Abundance Journal was one about the process of manifestation (that’s still in the works - keep your eye out for it!). But then, a week and a half ago, I hit a bump in the road.

When you’re a deliberate creator, and stuff happens in your life that you’re not too thrilled with, it’s often be-totally-honest-with-yourself time.

Total honesty, total authenticity. Because if you believe that you create it all, there aren’t any excuses. Excuses just aren’t possible.

So here’s what happened. January happens to be my busiest month in terms of work deadlines. I was facing a flood of deadlines, and then that Saturday morning, I woke up and somehow, while I was sleeping, I had pulled a muscle in my neck.

From the very first sharp twinge of pain I experienced, I knew that I had created a pulled neck muscle. I even knew why. I had been in a place of complacency, opting for the status quo in life - without really thinking about it, without making a conscious choice about it.

But I discovered that simply knowing why I had created this painful bit of contrast in my life didn’t really help the experience pass by any quicker.

Here’s what I learned that week:

1. While you can’t make any excuses anymore as a deliberate creator - it’s all about taking radical responsibility - you also can’t indulge in self-judgment or criticism, either. There is no place for blame. You have a reason for creating what you did, and even if you don’t get why you did it, you just have to trust that all is well. No matter what.

2. Self-love is a powerful tool during challenging times. Whenever I became aware (rather painfully) that I had to choose between making me a priority, or making my work deadlines a priority, I discovered that choosing me had the physical effect of easing the physical pain in my neck. It worked every single time, without fail.

It had to be a pure choice, though. I couldn’t “choose” to make me a priority, and then keep beating myself up with thoughts about how I shouldn’t be resting, I should be working, that every second not working would just plunge me into more stress.

What I had to choose was Me, without any doubts or second guessing.

And you know what? My work didn’t suffer. I met deadlines and in some cases, almost magically, deadlines were extended exactly when I needed them to be.

3. It’s more difficult feeling connected and in alignment when you find yourself deep in the middle of a challenging situation. Surrounded by all this evidence of what I did NOT want, I definitely wasn’t my usual, more-connected-than-not self.

But I discovered something else that truly amazed me. The connection between who I am now, and who I want to be, is always there. And yes, it might seem like a very thin thread at times, but that thread is made of something that’s stronger than the strongest steel - something unbreakable.

4. Keeping yourself open to self-discoveries and inner understanding makes it all worthwhile. I learned so much about where I was, and where I wanted to be, because of that pulled neck muscle. I feel like I have a map now, and my feet solidly planted on the right path.

Those Bumps Are Only as Bad As You Let Them Be

I can’t say I enjoyed a week of intense neck pain. And a part of me thinks, “I can’t even say, oh, I was out doing skiing or snowboarding or rock climbing when I pulled my neck.” That I did it when I was out having fun. No, I pulled my neck in the middle of the night, during a time when I let myself become overwhelmed with the stress of work deadlines.

But I learned a lot of valuable things last week. And I have emerged feeling strengthened, and more connected with who I am than I was feeling before I pulled that neck muscle.

I found answers to questions I didn’t even know I had been asking.

So when that road gets bumpy, it doesn’t have to be such a bad thing.

Now that the new year has officially begun, I’ve been thinking a bit about something that has changed in my life these past few years.

It’s my ability to rock the boat. Or rather, my willingness to be who I am, even if that means I’m going to rock the boat, or make waves.

(Funny how the terms are all nautical!)

Growing up, I was taught not to make waves. Back then, that meant not voicing my opinion, and staying in the background. Safety was in not being noticed.

When I discovered the law of attraction, it became the idea of going with the flow.

But these few years, I learned something. I learned that if being Who You Are (yes, in caps) means that you might make waves - that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re pushing against, or being resistant, or paddling upstream. It doesn’t mean you’re not going with the flow.

The thing is, being who you are is all about going with the flow. It’s all about allowing.

And the wake-up call for me was finally understanding that allowing can sometimes mean Rocking the Boat.

It all boils down to how you feel about rocking the boat. If you’re coming from a more fearful place (ie “I can’t do that, it’s not right, what will happen if …, oh, I simply can’t do things like that”), where the real reason why you’re not saying what you think, or being who you are, is because you’re worried about making waves, try letting go of that fear.

Because anytime you’re being true to yourself, and to who you are, you’re in the flow. You’re in alignment. And any boat rocking that happens? Doesn’t matter. It will be a fun ride.

(Update: Thank you to Karen Lynch for featuring “It All Begins with Self-Love” in the Live the Power Blog Carnival - Volume 12, and welcome to all readers from Live the Power!)

A dear friend recently emailed me for some help and advice on making the Law of Attraction work for her. This year has been a year of serious personal challenges for her, mostly around love and relationships, and she was having a hard time feeling good about anything in her life.

I told her to forget about focusing on feeling good.

Making the conscious decision to reach for the thought that will make you feel better is a very good starting point. But for me, the one practice that has helped the most has been focusing on loving myself more.

The thing is, you can be feeling good, but still hold a lot of negative thoughts about yourself. Feeling good does not equal self-love.

But when you move towards loving yourself unconditionally, feeling good is a natural and inevitable by-product.

Making the Law of Attraction work for you begins with learning to love yourself.

Why the Practice of Self-love and Self-appreciation?

When your self-worth depends on what other people think of you, you’re giving control over how you feel to external forces. And if you do that, it doesn’t matter what your situation is - you could be living in the lap of luxury, loved by everyone around you, but if you measure your worth by how other people outside of you measure your worth, you would still be in the same precarious situation.

The thing is, you do have full control over all of this - right down to you choosing to hand over your power to other people.

The Powerful Tool of Self-Love

The practice of self-love is a very powerful tool that will steer you in the right direction. By practicing self-love and self-appreciation, you learn to love yourself so much you refuse to give even the energy of thought to someone who thinks negatively about you.

When you do this, you WILL find that your life is filled with those who love and appreciate you. And you will be open to seeing them.

So instead of trying to just feel good, make loving yourself your main priority. You’ll feel good doing this anyway, so forget about concentrating on “feeling good” and make everything be about “I’m really amazing.”.

Catch That Negative Self-Talk … And Turn It Around

Set an intention to catch all the negative self-talk you have about YOU. Every time you catch yourself thinking, “what a stupid thing I just said” or “that was so dumb of me, why did I do that?”, recognize it for what it is - negative self-talk of no substance. You can change all of this, and the more you do it, the easier it gets.

So if you find yourself thinking, “what a stupid thing I just did”, work on making your very first reaction be “but hey, people do stupid things all the time, and I’m a pretty amazing person so who really cares?”.

A la Abe: Who Gives a Rip?

It’s really about getting to the point where you can truly say, “I don’t really care what anyone else thinks”. “Who gives a rip?” is a good mantra. It’s one that Abraham-Hicks stresses, and it works.

When you’re able to let go of worrying about what other people think about you, you’ll find a freedom to BE yourself, and once you start feeling that freedom, you’re set to soar. Truly.

“I Am Absolutely Wonderful.”

As you begin the practice of learning to love yourself unconditionally, try this: Lay it on thick. Remind yourself, often, how amazing you are. Keep doing it, even when you’re blushing and thinking, “how on earth can I go around thinking thoughts like that about ME? About how wonderful I am? How nauseating - if I had to listen to someone else talk like that about herself, I’d throw up!”

Even when those thoughts come up, ignore them. Lay on those compliments. The whole purpose is to shift your focus and after years and years of being down on yourself and beating yourself up, you really do have to lay it on thick with the self-compliments to get away from that negative self-perspective.

So keep doing it, and after a while, you will find that you can say to someone, “You know what? I’m pretty fabulous” and it won’t feel odd or funny at all. It will simply be true.

Loving Who You Are, All of You

I’m not talking about narcissism here. This isn’t about feeling you’re perfect, or superior. It’s not about holding every one else in contempt, or seeing them as being beneath you.

There is no such thing as perfection - not the way we normally think of that term, anyway. And what you are learning to do is to love yourself unconditionally - warts and all. Eventually you’ll get to that place where all of your imperfections are wonderful because they make you who you are.

When you begin the journey towards loving yourself unconditionally, you’ll also find that loving others unconditionally comes more easily.

You Never Get It Wrong

Forget the past. Forget all the blunders and mistakes you feel you’ve made. Forget about blame and fault. Even though we are in these physical bodies, we are so much more than just that. We ARE the energy that makes up the Universe.

You are divine, and you can’t create wrong. Everything you created, you created for a reason. You created it all to get you to where you are right now, and so it must be good. You are poised to take off, to truly become who you are, and you wouldn’t have been able to get to this space and time in your life if it weren’t for everything you’ve gone through.

This is where you must be strong - you must be strong for you. You must do everything that you do because you love yourself way too much to do anything else.

Simply Start Now

There really is just one thing you can do about this, and that’s start right now. And keep doing it. And keep doing it. Keep doing it until it’s as natural as breathing to acknowledge to yourself what an amazing person you are.

You see, this is your greatest power. Once you get there, because it is ALL internal to you, nothing that I can say or anyone else can say will topple you from your connection with the beauty and grace of your spiritual self. Because that’s who you’re learning to love right now.

Who you are is about much more than this physical body. You are spirit made physical. And you ALWAYS have that connection to your Soulself. Always. Even when you don’t feel it, that connection exists. It’s just that you’ve likely had years of being taught to ignore this connection with who you are.

So take a deep breath, and start learning to love yourself unconditionally today.